you can say that somebody’s death will haunt you down, i mean not the ghost or something, i mean the step, when you walked through that door then you saw nothing but a death, the incredible woman in my life has been dead, can you imagine that? she was my bestfriend, the best mom and you know what, she’s the only reason for me to put all the sadness behind, because i know somehow she always got my back, but now she’s gone.. yeah somebody up there and whoever you are, you just took the reason for me to live, you took the priceless mother i ever had. everybody said that this is a test for me and god really need to test about how brave and tough i am right now but in fact i don’t need that! i’d rather die for my mom, just to know that she’d wake up in her dream and back to reality, without..me
seems that the hurricane would never stop in my life, i just need to find the way out, but how? i’m still lost, quite lost.. but frankly i enjoy being stranded like this, i just need some times alone, i mean seriously alone.. i just have to finish my thesis, have a healthy life, and when i graduate, i won’t think about anything, i will do whatever i want and no one cant stop me this time
It’s rainy outside, and i just made a coffee.. I switched on the air conditioner in my room, turn the lights off, and i open the curtains, then put the little thing on its dock, while the music add some dramatics melody in this afternoon. My mood is fine, in fact i really enjoy the moment, being lonely in my room in this rainy day, i turn this room into a little bit gloomier than usual, and the radio dept accompany me of course. I started drinking my coffee and ah.. it was good!
Actually there was so many things inside my head, but i just cannot spill it out right now. Well lately i had a thought about leaving, about the job that i might take after i graduate this damn degree, i wanna work in a place that so far away from everybody i’ve known, i wanna live alone, starting a new life for some times maybe, i wanna enjoy this life all by my self, without family, friends, and even my lover. It doesn’t mean that i wanna leave them forever, i just need some times alone, away from anything about the past and problems here.
I just need two or three years, when i hold everything i want in my hand, i will comeback to my old full-of-problems life again, and fix it all, one by one..
meet serena and blair, xoxo!
